The Simplicity of Self Love

I have learned much since we last worked together. The key to it all seems very simple. Addiction is just the way it gets expressed. The tremendous human angst is - "no one want's me here," or I'm not welcome. Once this message is received, we find ways to make ourselves pleasing. We involve ourselves in all kinds of compromises and try to strike a bargain. If you love me, then I'll behave. I'll change. I'll become someone else, someone more suited to your tastes. No matter what we do, it is never enough.

The discovery of God, or Being, or Love, if it offers anything, it is space to be as we are. If we realize ourselves to be this space, then naturally we allow everything space to be as it is, at least on a certain level, first for ourselves then for others. The original sin is not pride but judgment, rejection, and this causes hurt.

We are all deeply hurting, not because we are separate, or because of individuality, but because we weren't loved. Somehow the message was sent. I'm not OK as I am. I must change. I must become perfect, more like Jesus, more like Buddha, more like saint so and so. I must become holy, pleasing or some other future dream.

There is a beautiful truth in this counsel, "Don't become anything." Why? Because, becoming is a movement away from acceptance, and it will not counter the original sin of rejection. It only continues the momentum away from acceptance, which began long ago. Unfortunately, this message is reinforced by religious and spiritual teachings as well as moral imperatives.

"I am not welcome" must be reversed to "I am welcome." Existence is not refusing me; others are refusing me, and I am refusing me. "I have to get rid of me." This is the message: "I must decrease, He (the ideal) must decrease." I practiced this for a long time and have not found it helpful. I was pacified by this message, and I pacified myself with this message. The results were extreme. There came a point were I could no longer be passive. I became livid. I became furious, enraged, diabolical, even evil.

I don't blame myself, I was created to be, and suddenly, the message is sent that it would be better if I weren't, or if I were different, perhaps if I were more intelligent, more interested, more like Jesus, more like "you" whoever "you" happens to be. This is a subtle form of hatred, and love cannot flower in the soil of hatred. There is no greater hatred or self-hatred that the message, "you, or I should not be," And yet, this is what we do to ourselves and others and allow to be done to ourselves and others all the time.

Parents may send this message. Teachers may send this message. Spouses may send this message. Priests may send this message. Our concept of God may send this message. As a result we do not feel welcome here. We do not feel comfortable in our own skin, so we play roles. We bargain. We rebel or act out. Addiction is part of this acting out. It is a refuge from the pain of rejection, the pain of you're not welcome. Perhaps this is why Lucifer is so pissed off.

In my personal experience with possession and disassociation I have realized the power of hatred. Truthfully, there is a little Lucifer in all of us. We are all created to be light-bearers, but our contribution is not welcome. We try to change, try to become pleasing. When it isn't enough, we become resentful, bitter, enraged, demonic. The real sage will notice this for what it is and reverse the curse. He or she will say Existence is allowing you space to be exactly as you are. Why don't you drop all of this becoming business and allow yourself space to be as well. Why don't you welcome yourself back. Tell yourself that it is OK to be here. Existence is welcoming you. Nothing is in contradiction with you but ideas and others who are controlled by them, but Life is giving you space to be as you are, right now in this moment. If you can do the same, then you are Life. If you can be this for yourself, then you can be it for others.

Peace and Love, Kevin